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. the Tragical History of . H A M L E T . Prince of Denmark .

(In the original language with modernized spelling)

Scene 9 [~ The Mousetrap ~] (Act 3 Scene 2)

Setting: Inside the Castle;

The Banquet Hall;
At night.

(Hamlet enters, with the Players)

Hamlet: Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you,

trippingly on the tongue, but if you mouth it as many of our players do,
I had as lief the town crier spoke my lines; nor do not saw the air
too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently; for, in the very torrent
tempest, and as I may say, whirlwind of your passion, you must
acquire and beget a temperance, that may give it smoothness; oh, it
offends me to the soul, to hear a robustious perwig-pated fellow
tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings
who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable
dumb shows, and noise; I would have such a fellow whipped for
o'erdoing Termagant; it out-Herods Herod; pray you avoid it.

Player: I warrant Your Honor.

Hamlet: Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be

your tutor; suit the action to the word, the word to the action, with
this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature.
For, anything so o'erdone, is from the purpose of playing,
whose end both at the first, and now, was and is, to hold as 'twere
the mirror up to nature, to show Virtue Her feature, Scorn Her own
image, and the very age and body of the time his form and pressure.
Now this overdone, or come tardy off, though it makes the unskillful
laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve, the censure of
which one, must in your allowance o'erweigh a whole theater of
others. Oh, there be players that I have seen play, and heard others
praise, and that highly - not to speak it profanely - that neither
having the accent of Christians, nor the gait of Christian, Pagan, nor
man, have so strutted & bellowed, that I have thought some of
Nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they
imitated humanity so abominably.

Player. I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us.

Hamlet: O reform it altogether; and let those that play your clowns

speak no more than is set down for them, for there be of them that
will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators
to laugh, too, though in the meantime, some necessary question of
the play be then to be considered, that's villainous, and shows a most
pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it; go, make you ready.

(the Players withdraw)

(Polonius enters;

Guildenstern and Rosencrantz enter)

(Hamlet continues):

How now, my Lord, will the King hear this piece of work?

Polonius: And the Queen too, and that presently.

Hamlet (to Polonius): Bid the Players make haste.

(to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern):
Will you two help to hasten them?

Rosencrantz: Aye, my Lord.

(Polonius withdraws)

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit)

Hamlet: What ho, Horatio.

(Horatio enters)

Horatio: Here, sweet Lord, at your service.

Hamlet: Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man

As e'er my conversation coped withal.

Horatio: O my dear Lord.

Hamlet: Nay, do not think I flatter,

For what advancement may I hope from thee
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits
To feed and clothe thee. Why should the poor be flattered?
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee,
Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice,
And could, of men, distinguish her election,
S'hath sealed thee for herself; for, thou hast been,
As one in suffering all, that suffers nothing,
A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks; and blessed are those
Whose blood and judgement are so well comedlied,
That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please; give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, aye, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee. Something too much of this;
There is a play tonight before the King,
One scene of it comes near the circumstance
Which I have told thee of, my father's death,
I prithee when thou seest that act afoot,
Even with the very comment of thy soul,
Observe my uncle, if his occulted guilt
Do not itself unkennel in one speech,
It is a damned ghost that we have seen,
And my imaginations are as foul
As Vulcan's stithy; give him heedful note,
For I, mine eyes will rivet to his face,
And after, we will both our judgments join
In censure of his seeming.

Hor: Well my lord,

If a steal ought the whilst this play is playing
And 'scape detected, I will pay the theft.

(Claudius and Gertrude enter,

led by musicians playing trumpets and kettle drums;
Polonius and Ophelia enter)

Hamlet: They are coming to the play. I must be idle!

Get you a place.

Claudius: How fares our cousin Hamlet?

Hamlet: Excellent yfaith;

Of the Chameleon's dish, I eat the air,
Promise-crammed; you cannot feed capons so.

Clau: I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet;

These words are not mine.

Hamlet: No, nor mine now, my Lord.

(to Polonius): You played once i'th university, you say.

Polonius: That did I, my Lord, and was accounted a good actor.

Ham. What did you enact?

Pol: I did enact Julius Caesar; I was killed in the Capital;

Brutus killed me.

Hamlet: It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there;

Be the players ready?

Pol: Aye, my Lord, they stay upon your patience.

Gertrude: Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

Hamlet: No, good mother, here's mettle more attractive.

(Hamlet walks toward Ophelia)

Polonius (to Claudius): O ho, do you mark that?

Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Ophelia: No, my Lord!

(Hamlet sits in the chair beside Ophelia)

Hamlet: Do you think I meant country matters?

Ophelia: I think nothing, my Lord.

Hamlet: That's a fair thought to lie between maid's legs.

Ophelia: What is, my Lord?

Hamlet: Nothing.

Ophelia: You are merry, my Lord.

Hamlet: Who, I?

Ophelia: Aye, my Lord.

Hamlet: Oh God, your only jig-maker, what should a man do but

be merry, for look you how cheerfully my mother looks, and my
father died within's two hour.

Ophelia: Nay, 'tis twice . . . two months, my Lord.

Hamlet: So long? Nay! Then let the devil wear black, for I'll have a

suit of sables; o heavens, die two months ago, and not forgotten yet?
Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a
year; but, by'r Lady, he must build churches then, or else shall he suffer
not thinking on - with the hobbyhorse, whose epitaph is: for o, for
o, the hobbyhorse is forgot.

(Hamlet signals for the players to begin)

(trumpets sound;

a dumb show is presented)

Enter a King and a Queen;

the Queen embracing him, and he her; he
takes her up, and declines his head upon her neck; he lies him down upon
a bank of flowers; she, seeing him asleep, leaves him. Anon come in
another man, takes off his crown, kisses it, pours poison in the sleeper's ears,
and leaves him. The Queen returns, finds the King dead, makes passionate
action; the poisoner with some three or four come in again, seem to
condole with her; the dead body is carried away; the poisoner woos the Queen
with gifts, she seems harsh awhile, but in the end accepts love.

Ophelia: What means this, my Lord?

Hamlet: Marry, this munching malhechor, it means mischief.

Ophelia: Belike this show imports the argument of the play.

Hamlet: We shall know by this fellow.

(a player enters to do the Prologue)

(Hamlet continues):

The Players cannot keep, they'll tell all.

Ophelia: Will he tell us what this show meant?

Hamlet: Aye, or any show that you will show him; be not you ashamed

to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means.

Ophelia: You are naught, you are naught, I'll mark the play.

Prologue: For us, and for our Tragedy,

Here stooping to your clemency,
We beg your hearing patiently.

Hamlet: Is this a Prologue, or the posy of a ring?

Ophelia: 'Tis brief, my Lord.

Hamlet: As woman's love.

(the play begins;

the King and Queen players enter)

King: Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round

Neptune's salt wash, and Tellus orbed the ground,
And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen
About the world have times twelve thirties been
Since love our hearts, and Hymen did our hands
Unite comutual in most sacred bands.

Queen: So many journeys may the sun and moon

Make us again count o'er, ere love be done,
But woe is me, you are so sick of late,
So far from cheer, and from our former state,
That I distrust you, yet though I distrust,
Discomfort you my Lord it nothing must.
For women fear too much, even as they love,
And women's fear and love hold quantity,
Either none, in neither ought, or in extremity,
Now what my Lord is proof hath made you know,
And as my love is sized, my fear is so,
Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear,
Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

King: Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly, too;

My operant powers, their functions leave to do,
And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,
Honored, beloved, and haply one as kind,
For husband shalt thou . . .

Queen: Oh, confound the rest!

Such love must needs be treason in my breast;
In second husband let me be accurst;
None wed the second, but who killed the first.

Hamlet: That's wormwood.

(Queen continues):

The instances that second marriage move
Are base respects of thrift, but none of love,
A second time I kill my husband dead,
When second husband kisses me in bed.

King: I do believe you think what now you speak,

But what we do determine, oft' we break,
Purpose is but the slave to memory,
Of violent birth, but poor validity,
Which now the fruit unripe sticks on the tree,
But fall unshaken when they mellow be.
Most necessary 'tis that we forget
To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt,
What to ourselves in passion we propose,
The passion ending, doth the purpose lose,
The violence of either, grief, or joy,
Their own ennactures with themselves destroy,
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament,
Grief joy, joy grieves, on slender accident,
This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange,
That even our loves should with our fortunes change:
For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,
Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.
The great man down, you mark his fauourite flies,
The poor aduaunc'd, makes friends of enemies,
And hetherto doth love on fortune tend,
For who not needs, shall never lack a friend,
And who in want a hollow friend doth try,
Directly seasons him his enemy.
But orderly to end where I begun,
Our wills and fates do so contrary run,
That our devises still are overthrown,
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own,
So think thou wilt no second husband wed,
But die thy thoughts when thy first Lord is dead.

Queen: Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light,

Sport and repose lock from me day and night,
To desperation turn my trust and hope,
And Anchors cheer in prison be my scope,
Each opposite that blanks the face of joy,
Meet what I would have well, and it destroy,
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife . . .

Hamlet: If she should break it now.

(Queen continues):

. . . If once I be a widow, ever I be a wife.

King: 'Tis deeply sworn, sweet leave me here a while,

My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile
The tedious day with sleep.

Queen: Sleep rock thy brain,

And never come mischance between us twain.

(the King and Queen actors exit)

Hamlet: Madam, how like you this play?

Gertrude: The Lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Hamlet: O, but she'll keep her word.

Claudius: Have you heard the argument? Is there no offense in't?

Hamlet: No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest, no offense i'th world.

Clau: What do you call the play?

Hamlet: The Mousetrap. Marry how tropically, this play is the image

of a murder done in Vienna; Gonzago is the Duke's name, his wife
Baptista; you shall see anon, 'tis a knavish piece of work, but what of
that? Your Majesty, and we that have free souls, it touches us not;
let the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung. This is one
Lucianus, Nephew to the King.

(the Lucianus player enters)

Ophelia: You are as good as a Chorus, my Lord.

Hamlet: I could interpret between you and your love

If I could see the puppets dallying.

Ophelia: You are keen, my lord, you are keen.

Hamlet: It would cost you a groaning to take off mine edge.

Ophelia: Still better and worse.

Hamlet: So you mistake your husbands. Begin murderer, leave

thy damnable faces and begin, come, the croaking raven doth bellow
for revenge!

Lucianus: Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing,

Considerate season else no creature seeing,
Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,
With Hecats ban thrice blasted, thrice invected,
Thy natural magic, and dire property,
On wholesome life usurps immediately.

Hamlet: A poisons him i'th Garden for his estate; his name's

Gonzago; the story is extant, and written in very choice Italian;
you shall see anon how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife.

Ophelia: The King rises!

Gertrude: How fares my Lord?

Polonius: Give o'er the play.

Claudius: Give me some light; away!

Pol: Lights, lights, lights.

(everyone exits,

except for Hamlet and Horatio)

Hamlet (sings): Why, let the stricken Deer go weep,

The Hart ungalled play,
For some must watch while some must sleep,
Thus runs the world away.

Would not this, sir, & a forest of feathers,
if the rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me, with provincial
Roses on my raz'd shoes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players?

Horatio: Half a share.

Hamlet: A whole one, Aye.

(sings):
For thou dost know, oh Damon dear
This realm dismantled was
Of Jove himself, and now reigns here
A very very . . . peacock.

Hora: You might have rhymed.

Hamlet: O good Horatio, I'll take the Ghost's word for a thousand

pound. Did'st perceive?

Hora: Very well, my Lord.

Hamlet: Upon the talk of the poisoning?

Horatio: I did very well note him.

(the Players reenter;

they gesture to Hamlet, about whether he wants music)

Hamlet: Ah ha, come, some music, come, the recorders;

For if the King like not the Comedy,
Why then belike he likes it not perdy.
Come, some music.

(the Players play music for a time)

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern enter)

Guildenstern: Good my Lord, voutsafe me a word with you.

Hamlet: Sir, a whole history.

Guil: The King, sir . . .

Hamlet: Aye, sir, what of him?

Guil: . . . Is in his retirement marvelous distempered.

Hamlet: With drink, sir?

Guil: No, my Lord, with choler.

Hamlet: Your wisdom should shew itself more richer to signify

this to the Doctor, for, for me to put him to his purgation, would
perhaps plunge him into more choler.

Guil: Good my Lord, put your discourse into some frame,

And stare not so wildly from my affair.

Hamlet: I am tame, sir, pronounce.

Guil: The Queen, your mother, in most great affliction of spirit,

hath sent me to you.

Hamlet: You are welcome.

Guil: Nay, good my Lord, this curtesie is not of the right breed; if

it shall please you to make me a wholesome answer, I will do your
mothers commandment; if not, your pardon and my return, shall
be the end of business.

Hamlet: Sir, I cannot.

Rosencrantz: What, my Lord?

Hamlet: Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased; but sir, such

answer as I can make, you shall command, or rather as you say, my
mother; therefore no more, but to the matter; my mother, you say?

Ros: Then, thus she says: your behavior hath struck her into

amazement and admiration.

Hamlet: O wonderful son, that can so astonish a mother! But is there

no sequel at the heels of this mother's admiration? Impart.

Ros: She desires to speak with you in her closet, ere you go to bed.

Hamlet: We shall obey, were she ten times our mother; have you any

further trade with us?

Ros: My Lord, you once did love me.

Hamlet: And do still, by these pickers and stealers.

Ros: Good my Lord, what is your cause of distemper? You do surely

bar the door upon your own liberty, if you deny your griefs to
your friend.

Hamlet: Sir, I lack advancement.

Ros: How can that be, when you have the voice of the King, himself,

for your succession in Denmark?

Hamlet: Aye, sir, but while the grass grows . . . the proverb is something

musty; oh, the recorders, let me see one.

(Hamlet motions for a player-musician to approach)

(Hamlet draws Guildenstern aside;

Horatio stops Rosencrantz from following)

(Hamlet continues):

To withdraw with you . . . Why
do you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you would drive
me into a toil?

Guildenstern: Oh, my Lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too unmannerly.

Hamlet: I do not well understand that; will you play upon this pipe?

Guil: My Lord, I cannot.

Hamlet: I pray you.

Guil: Believe me I cannot.

Hamlet: I do beseech you.

Guil: I know no touch of it, my Lord.

Hamlet: It is as easy as lying; govern these ventages with your fingers

& thumb, give it breath with your mouth, & it will discourse
most eloquent music, look you, these are the stops.

(Hamlet plays a little tune on the recorder,

then offers it to Guildenstern, who refuses it)

Guildenstern: But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony, I

have not the skill.

Hamlet: Why look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of

me, you would play upon me, you would seem to know my stops,
you would pluck out the hart of my mystery, you would sound me
from my lowest note to my compass, and there is much music
excellent voice in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak, s'bloud
do you think I am easier to be plaid on then a pipe, call me what
instrument you will, though you fret me not, you cannot play upon me.
God bless you, sir.

(Polonius enters)

Polonius: My Lord, the Queen would speak with you, & presently!

Hamlet: Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?

Pol: By'th masse and tis, like a camel indeed.

Hamlet: Me thinks it is like a weasel.

Pol: It is backed like a weasel.

Hamlet: Or like a whale.

Pol: Very like a whale.

Hamlet: Then I will come to my mother, by and by.

(Polonius exits)

(Hamlet continues, aside):

They fool me to the top of my bent.
(to Guildenstern):
I will come, by & by.

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit)

(Hamlet continues, to Horatio and the Players):

Leave me, friends.

(Horatio exits;

the Players exit)

(Hamlet continues):

I will . . . say so: "By and by," is easily said.

(a distant church bell begins to slowly toll midnight)

(Hamlet continues):

'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn, and Hell itself breaks out
Contagion to this world; now could I drink hot blood,
And do such business as the bitter day
Would quake to look on: soft, now to my mother,
O heart, lose not thy nature, let not ever
The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom,
Let me be cruel, not unnatural,
I will speak dagger to her, but use none,
My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites,
How in my words somever she be shent,
To give them seals, never my soul consent.

(Hamlet exits)

End of Scene 9

. The Tragedy of . H A M L E T . Prince of Denmark .

(In simplified modern English translation)

Scene 9 [~ The Mousetrap ~] (Act 3 Scene 2)

Setting: Inside the Castle;

The Banquet Hall;
At night.

(Hamlet enters, with the actors)

Hamlet: Speak the speech, please, as I recited it to you,

lightly on the tongue, but if you say it as many actors would,
I'd rather the town crier spoke the lines I wrote. And don't chop the air
too much waving your hands, like so, but gesture gently, for, in the strong
storm, and as I might say, the whirlwind of your emotion, you must
have and show moderation, to give it smoothness. Oh, it
offends me deeply, to hear some boisterous fellow in a wig
tear an emotional scene to shreds, to rags, to hurt the ears of the audience
who, for the most part, don't comprehend anything but inexplicable
motion and noise. I'd have such a fellow whipped for
his outrageous behavior, it's beyond anything normal. Please avoid that.

Player: I guarantee we'll do better than that, Your Honor.

Hamlet: Don't be too quiet, either, but let your own judgment be

your tutor. Fit the action to the words, and the words to the action, with
this special point in mind: don't go beyond the modesty of nature.
For, anything so overdone, is far from the purpose of acting,
whose goal from the start, up to now, was and is, to hold (as it were)
a mirror up to nature, to show Virtue how She looks, show Scorn Her own
image, and give the true shape and impression of this era and its people.
Now, if acting is overdone, or has bad timing, although it may make the naive
laugh, it will disappoint any person who has good judgment, the disapproval of
whom must, in your minds, outweigh everyone else in the
audience. Oh, there are actors that I have seen perform, and I've heard others
praise them, very highly, and not to be profane about it, but they couldn't
speak like civilized people, or walk like civilized people, or pagans, or any
kind of man at all. They have strutted and bellowed so it made me think some
god still in training had been trying to make men, and made them poorly, they
did such a bad job of imitating a real human being.

Player: I hope we have reformed those bad habits pretty well among us.

Hamlet: Oh, reform them completely. And let those who play your clowns

speak only their written lines, because there are clowns that
will, on their own, laugh and joke, and cause some idle spectators
to laugh, too, even though in the meantime, an important scene of
the play is being presented. That's villainous, and reveals a very
pitiful self-importance in the fool who does it. Go and get ready.

(the Players withdraw)

(Polonius enters;

Guildenstern and Rosencrantz enter)

(Hamlet continues, to Polonius):

How now, my Lord, will the King hear this play?

Polonius: And the Queen, too, and soon.

Hamlet (to Polonius): Tell the actors to hurry.

(To Rosencrantz and Guildenstern):
Will you two help to hasten the King and Queen?

Rosencrantz: Yes, my Lord.

(Polonius withdraws)

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit)

Hamlet: What ho, Horatio.

(Horatio enters)

Horatio: Here, sweet Lord, at your service.

Hamlet: Horatio, you're as fair and just a man

As I have ever spoken with.

Hora: Oh, my dear Lord?

Hamlet: No, don't think that I'm just flattering you.

For, what advancement could I get from you,
Who have no income except your own good nature
To feed and clothe you - why should a poor man be flattered?
No, let a childish, sweet-talking tongue lick absurd pomp
And kneel where some productive result can be expected,
Where financial gain may come from fawning. Do you hear?
Since my own soul was mistress of her choice
And could, from among men, make her selection,
She has marked you for herself, because, you have been
Like one who, in suffering everything, has suffered nothing, and
A man who takes both Fortune's blows, and rewards,
With equal thanks. And blessed are those
Whose passion and judgment are so harmonious,
That they are not something for Fortune to play with
And do whatever She pleases. Give me a man
Who is not a slave to his emotions, and I will hold him
In the center of my heart, yes, in the heart of my heart,
As I do you. That's enough of that.
There is a play to be performed, tonight, for the King.
One scene in it portrays the circumstances
Which I have told you, about my father's death.
Please, when you see that scene of the play begin,
Even with the best intuition from your soul,
Observe my uncle. If his hidden guilt
Does not come out and make itself known during that speech,
It will mean that what we saw was a damned ghost, from Hell,
And my suspicions are as foul
As Vulcan's blacksmith forge. Take heedful note of Claudius.
As for me, I will rivet my eyes to his face.
And afterwards, we will compare our judgments about him
To decide how he seemed to react.

Horatio: Well, my Lord,

If the King steals away while the play is being performed,
And escapes although he's guilty, I'll play the price of his theft.

(Claudius and Gertrude enter,

led by musicians playing trumpets and kettle drums;
Polonius and Ophelia enter)

Hamlet: They're coming to the play. I mustn't look busy!

Go find a place in the audience.

Claudius: How do you fare, my cousin Hamlet?

Hamlet: Excellently, indeed.

Like a chameleon, I eat the air,
Crammed with promise. You can't feed a capon like that.

Clau: I have nothing to say to that answer, Hamlet.

Those words are not mine.

Hamlet: No, nor mine either, now, my Lord.

(to Polonius): You were once a player at the University, you say?

Polonius: Yes, I was, my Lord, and I was counted a good actor.

Hamlet: What did you act?

Pol: I played Julius Caesar. I was killed in the Capital.

Brutus killed me.

Hamlet: It was a brutish thing for him to kill so excellent an offspring there.

Are the players ready?

Pol: Yes, my Lord, they wait patiently for your order to begin.

Gertrude: Come over here, my dear Hamlet, and sit beside me.

Hamlet: No, good mother, here's metal that's more magnetic.

(Hamlet walks toward Ophelia)

Polonius (to Claudius): Oh ho, do you notice that?

Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Ophelia: No! - my Lord.

(Hamlet sits in the chair beside Ophelia)

Hamlet: Did you think I meant country matters?

Ophelia: I thought nothing, my Lord.

Hamlet: That's a fair thought, to lie between maid's legs.

Ophelia: What is, my Lord?

Hamlet: Nothing.

Ophelia: You're merry, my Lord.

Hamlet: Who, me?

Ophelia: Yes, my Lord.

Hamlet: Oh, God, I'm your only entertainment, at my play. What should a

man do but be merry? See how cheerful my mother looks, and my
father died within these two hours.

Ophelia: No, it's been twis . . . two months, my Lord.

Hamlet: That long? No! Then let the devil wear black, and I'll have a

suit of sables. Oh heavens, died two months ago, and not yet forgotten?
Well then, there's hope a great man's memory might outlive him by half a
year. But then, by god, someone must build a church, or nobody will
think about him. He'll be forgotten like the hobby horse, whose epitaph
reads: "for oh, for oh, the hobby horse is forgotten."

(Hamlet signals for the actors to begin)

(trumpets sound;

a dumb show is presented)

A King and a Queen enter;

The Queen embraces the King, and he hugs her. He
lifts her up, and nuzzles her neck. He lies down upon
a flower bed. She sees him asleep, and leaves. Soon, there somes in
another man, who takes off the King's crown, kisses it, pours poison in
the sleeper's ears, and leaves. The Queen returns, finds the King dead, and
reacts in panic. The poisoner and several others come in and sympathize
with her. The King's body is carried away. The poisoner courts the Queen with
gifts. She seems to despise him a while, but in the end accepts his love.

Ophelia: What does this mean, my Lord?

Hamlet: Well, for a feasting bad actor, it means mischief.

Ophelia: The dumb show probably tells us the theme of the play.

Hamlet: We'll know by this fellow.

(an actor enters to do the Prologue)

(Hamlet continues):

The actors can't hold back, they'll speak the whole story.

Ophelia: Will he tell us what the dumb show meant?

Hamlet: Yes, or any show that you show him. If you're not ashamed

to show him, he won't be ashamed to tell you what it's worth.

Ophelia: You're worthless, you're worthless, I'll pay attention to the play.

Prologue: For us, and for our tragedy

We submit to your mercy
And beg you to listen patiently.

Hamlet: Is this a Prologue, or a little poem to write inside a ring?

Ophelia: It was brief, my Lord.

Hamlet: As woman's love.

(the play begins;

the King and Queen actors enter)

King: Full thirty times has the chariot of the sun gone around

Neptune's ocean, and the goddess of the earth has spun;
And thirty dozen moons with their reflected sunlight
Have gone around the world twelve times thirty times
Since love entered our hearts, and the goddess of marriage
United our hands, together, in most sacred bands.

Queen: As many journeys may the sun and moon

Make for us again, before our love is done.
But woe is me, you are so troubled lately,
So far from being cheerful, and far from our former happiness
That I worry about you, but even though I worry
Don't let it discomfort you, my Lord, nothing should discomfort you.
For women fear too much, even as they love,
And women's fear and love are proportional,
Either she has none, in either case, or feels both greatly.
Now what, my Lord, is the proof, I have let you know,
That as my love is great, my fear is also.
Where love is great, the smallest doubts are fear,
When little fears grow great, great loves grows there.

King: Indeed, I must leave you, my love, and soon, too.

My powers of life are ebbing away;
And you shall live in this fair world without me,
Honored, beloved, and with luck you'll find
Another husband as kind to you . . .

Queen: Oh, confound all other men!

Any such love would be treason in my breast.
In any second husband let me be cursed,
I'd never wed a second man unless he killed the first.

Hamlet: That's wormwood.

(Queen continues):

The cause for a second marriage might be
For reasons of economy, but never of love.
It would kill my true husband dead a second time,
When any second husband kisses me in bed.

King: I do believe you think what you now speak,

But the promises we make in advance, we often break.
Good intentions are a slave to memory,
Intensely felt at first, but weakening over time.
Now the unripe fruits stick tight to the tree
But will fall even without shaking when they're ripe.
It is necessary to us that we forget
To pay ourselves what we owe only to ourselves.
What, to ourselves, in passion we promise to do,
When the passion ends, the promise loses its purpose.
The intense emotions of either grief or joy
Will destroy themselves in being acted out fully.
Where joy revels most, grief will most lament
Grief joys, joy grieves, over mere accidents of life.
This world is not forever, and it is not strange
That even our loves should, with our fortunes, change.
For it is a question that we have not yet proved
Whether love leads fortune, or fortune leads love.
When a great man falls, you'll see his favorite person leave.
When a poor man advances, he'll make friends out of his enemies.
And up until now, love does depend on fortune,
For, the person who isn't in need, will never lack a friend.
And the person who is in need, and tries a fair weather friend
Directly changes the former friend into an enemy.
But in good order, to return, and end where I began
Our desires and our fates run so contrary to each other
That our best-laid plans are always overthrown.
Only our thoughts are ours, the outcome is not our own.
So you think you will no second husband wed,
But that thought will die when your first Lord is dead.

Queen: I'd ask no earth to give me food, nor heaven, light,

Enjoyment and rest, be denied to me day and night.
Change my trust and hope to desperation,
A hermit's joy in prison be my only end.
Each opposite feeling that can cancel the face of joy
Is what I would wish to meet, and have happiness destroyed.
Both here and in the hereafter may I be pursued with lasting strife . . .

Hamlet: If she should break her promise now . . .

(Queen continues):

If once I be a widow, ever again I be a wife.

King: It is a promise from the heart. Sweet, leave me here a while.

I grow very tired, and I will sleep to fool
The long day into thinking it's night.

Queen: May sleep comfort your mind,

And may bad luck never come between the two of us.

(the King and Queen actors exit)

Hamlet: Madam, how do you like this play?

Gertrude: The lady protests too much, I think.

Hamlet: Oh, but she'll keep her word.

Claudius: Have you read the synopsis? Is there anything offensive in it?

Hamlet: No, no, they're pretending. The poison is fake, no real crime at all.

Clau: What's the name of the play?

Hamlet: The Mousetrap. Goodness, how figurative it is. This play

is based on a murder done in Vienna. Gonzago was the Duke's name,
and his wife was Baptista. You'll soon see it's a mischievous work, but so
what? Your Majesty, and we who have free souls, it can't touch us.
Let the horse with saddle sores wince, our backs are unscarred. This next
character is Lucianus, nephew of the King.

(the Lucianus actor enters)

Ophelia: You are as good as a chorus, my Lord.

Hamlet: I could interpret between you and your love

if I could see the puppets at play.

Ophelia: You are sharp, my Lord, you are sharp.

Hamlet: It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge.

Ophelia: That's a better joke, but you're even worse!

Hamlet: That's how women mistake their husbands. Begin, murderer! Stop

that damnable making of faces, and begin. Come, the croaking raven
bellows for revenge!

Lucianus: Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and the time is right.

It's considerate of the time, to have no creature watching.
Oh, you rank mixture, of weeds collected at midnight,
With the witch's spell three times diseased, three times cursed.
Your natural magic, plus the dreadful property of the evil spell,
Will steal away healthy life, immediately!

Hamlet: He poisons him in the garden of his estate, his name's

Gonzago. The story exists and is written in very good Italian.
You'll soon see how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife.

Ophelia: Look, the King rises!

Gertrude: How do you feel, my Lord?

Polonius: Stop the play!

Claudius: Give me some light! Let's go!

Pol: Lights! Lights, lights!

(everyone exits,

except for Hamlet and Horatio)

Hamlet (sings): Why, let the wounded deer go weep,

While the unwounded stag is at play,
For some must watch while some must sleep,
And so runs the world away.

Tell me, sir, would my writing plus a lot of bombast,
(if the rest of my luck goes bad on me, and I pretended to be an actor
from the provinces,) get me a fellowship in a company of players?

Horatio: I'd allow you half a share.

Hamlet: Oh, I deserve a whole share, yes.

(sings):
For you do know, oh Damon, dear,
This realm dismantled was
Of Jove, himself, and now reigns here
A very, very . . . pee-cock.

Horatio: You might have rhymed.

Hamlet: Oh, good Horatio, I'll bet on the Ghost's word for a thousand

pounds! Did you see it?

Hora: Very well, my Lord.

Hamlet: His reaction to the talk of the poisoning?

Hora: Yes, I noted him very well.

(the actor-musicians enter;

they gesture to Hamlet, about whether he wants music)

Hamlet: Ah-ha, come, let's have some music. Yes, the recorders.

For, if the King doesn't like the "comedy" play,
Why, then he probably doesn't like music either, by god.
As long as we're doing things he doesn't like, play some music!

(the actor-musicians play for a while)

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern enter)

Guildenstern: Good my Lord, may I have a word with you?

Hamlet: Sir, you may have my whole life story.

Guil: The King, sir . . .

Hamlet: Yes, sir, what of him?

Guil: He's in his room extremely upset.

Hamlet: With drink, sir?

Guil: No, my Lord, with choler, the heat of anger.

Hamlet: Your wisdom would show itself better if you told

the doctor, because if I gave him a purge it would
perhaps plunge him into even more heat.

Guil: Good my Lord, put your conversation into some form I can follow,

and look not so wildly away from my business here.

Hamlet: I am tame, sir, go ahead and speak.

Guil: The Queen, your mother, in the greatest suffering of her spirit,

has sent me to you.

Hamlet: You are welcome here with me.

Guil: No, good my Lord, this courtesy is not of the right kind. If it shall

please you to give me a wholesome answer I'll do as your mother
instructed me, or if not, I'll beg your pardon and return to her, and
that will end my business.

Hamlet: Sir, I cannot.

Rosencrantz: Cannot what, my Lord?

Hamlet: Make you a wholesome answer, my mind is uneasy. But sir, any

answer as I can make, is yours to command - or rather, as you say, my
mother's. So, no more of this, but get to the point. My mother, you say . . . ?

Ros: Then, she says, your behavior has struck her into amazement and

admiration.

Hamlet: Oh, what a wonderful son, who can so astonish his mother! But is

there nothing that follows this mother's admiration? Tell me.

Ros: She desires to speak with you in her room, before you go to bed.

Hamlet: We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any

further trade with us?

Rosencrantz: My Lord, you were my friend once.

Hamlet: And I still am, I swear by my thieving hands!

Ros: Good my Lord, what causes your derangement? You'll certainly

lock the door upon your own freedom, if you conceal your grievances
from your friends.

Hamlet: Sir, I lack advancement.

Ros: How can that be, when you have the word of the King, himself, that

you'll succeed him to the throne of Denmark?

Hamlet: Indeed, sir, but while the grass grows . . . it's an old

saying. Oh, the recorders, let me see one.

(Hamlet motions for an actor-musician to approach)

(Hamlet draws Guildenstern aside;

Horatio stops Rosencrantz from following)

(Hamlet continues, to Guildenstern):

Withdraw with me over here. Why
do you go around like a hunter, as if you want to drive
me into a net?

Guil: My Lord, if I act too brash, it's because my love is too much for politeness.

Hamlet: I don't understand that very well. Will you play on this instrument?

Guil: My Lord, I cannot.

Hamlet: Please.

Guil: Believe me, I can't.

Hamlet: But please play it, I beg you.

Guil: I don't know how, my Lord.

Hamlet: It's as easy as lying. Cover these vents with your fingers and thumb,

breathe into it with your mouth, and it will speak
very eloquent music. Look, these are the stops.

(Hamlet plays a little tune on the recorder,

then offers it to Guildenstern, who refuses it)

Guildenstern: But I can't do this to give any harmony, I

don't have the skill.

Hamlet: Why, then look how simple a thing you would make of me.

You would play upon me, you would seem to know my stops,
you would pluck out the heart of my mystery, you would sound me
from my lowest note to my full range. Yet, there is much music of
excellent voice in this little instrument, but you can't make it speak. Goodness,
do you think I'm easier to be played on than a simple pipe? Call me what
instrument you will, but you don't fret me, and you can't play upon me.
God bless you, sir.

(Polonius enters)

Polonius: My Lord, the Queen wants to talk to you, right now!

Hamlet: Do you see that cloud in the sky that's shaped like a camel?

Pol: Goodness, it is, like a camel, indeed.

Hamlet: I think it's like a weasel.

Pol: It has a back like a kind of weasel.

Hamlet: Or like a whale.

Pol: Very much like a whale.

Hamlet: Then I'll go to my mother, soon.

(Polonius exits)

(Hamlet continues, aside):

They play the fool for me as much as I can stand.
(to Guildenstern):
I will be there, by and by.

(Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit)

(Hamlet continues, to Horatio and the actors):

Leave me, friends.

(Horatio exits;

the actors exit)

(Hamlet continues):

I will . . . say this: "By and by," is easy to say.

(a distant church bell begins to slowly toll midnight)

(Hamlet continues):

It's now the very witching time of night
When churchyards open wide their graves, and Hell itself breaks out,
Poison to this world. Now I could drink hot blood
And do such business as the sorrowful day
Would shudder to look upon. Easy, now, think of my mother.
Oh, my heart, don't lose your nature, don't ever let
The spirit of Nero enter my steadfast bosom.
Let me be cruel, but not hateful, as a son.
I will speak like a dagger to her, but use none.
My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites:
However with words I may condemn her,
To act on those words my soul must never consent.

(Hamlet exits)

End of Scene 9

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